Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
