my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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