i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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