and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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