Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
