nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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