So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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