He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
