it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
