it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
