Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
