Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
