They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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