im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
