So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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