4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
