TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
