I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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