can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
