Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
