I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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