Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
