o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
