sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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