He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
