i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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