Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
