So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
