Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
