I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
