Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
