I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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