Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
