Buhtt sex?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
