you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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