can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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