sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Everyone says I win the strip club
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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