You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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