do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
