all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
