in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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