i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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