My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
