Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
