I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
do herpes really smell.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
