Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
