Your dad touched me again.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would ride that face into the sunset
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
