what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
