When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
