My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
His nipple licking is glorious
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