barbara walters just said penis...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she peed on how many people?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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