we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
