If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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