Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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