vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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