just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
